August 2010
A lot has happened in the last 24 hours, and my heart, mind and soul are still wheeling from it. No details needed….all I know is I just want whatever this horrible, sad feeling I have to go away. Today I realize I have a robot mode for corporate America. The pain flowed over my eyelids this morning, but once I made it to the job…auto pilot took over, and I was able to work, interact and make it through the day. Now that I am home, however…and the other half is not here, that feeling is that much stronger….I realized I can put on a happy face when needed, and hide my true feelings whenever the situation calls for it… Not sure if that a good thing, or bad thing. I know it’s not good to hold things in the way I do. I have this crazy idea that if I keep my pain on the insides, and just go through life making sure everything, and everyone else is alright then all is well with the world, always neglecting myself, and making sure I’m alright. Eveyone’s happiness and well being before my own. Is it because I love too much? I love hard! And for the people I love I will give up, and sacrifice whatever I have in my power to make sure those I love are ok. If I knew that me not eating for a week, meant my family and loved one’s would could eat for a month…I would do it. I will be okay..I will make it through this rough little moment I am having right now…I have been through and felt WAY WORSE things than what I am going through right now. By faith my situation and my heart, mind and soul are at ease…and I am at peace..*So Blessed Be!!!*